Motherhood

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?....Not me!
A day in the life of me...
I started to type it all out and just got exhausted trying to remember what all I have done today! It is seriously crazy how much I multitask and all I have to achieve in a single day! I will never feel unproductive again!
***Precursor...I'm going to get very real, so don't read if you don't want to know!
I used to get really upset when I would hear Moms complain about how hard it was to be a Mom or how tired they were or how they missed the days before kids, because we wanted kids so bad and I thought I would die to be in your shoes...how dare you complain!
BUT, now I realize that sometimes you just need to vent and eventhough Moms make those comments, it doesn't make them ungrateful, it simply makes them real! Of course they were tired, and of course it is hard! I was being very silly and self centered to get upset!
Being a Mom is simply amazing...I get teary eyed just thinking about it, but it is also the hardest job I have ever had! The responsibility and worry and pressure that are ever present can be overwhelming and I have never been so tired in my life but even harder than all that is remembering who I am!
Does anyone know what I mean...I was a young, passionate, energetic, woman who poured into others lives and enjoyed the challenge of teaching and loved to play games and be with friends and dance and write poems and sing and wanted to write a book and loved to read books and wanted to write songs and , and, and! Somewhere along the way life happens and even before Noah, I lost so many of these things, one at a time, little by little!
Marriage is hard and finances are stressful and trying to balance it all is so difficult and you find yourself just surviving or doing what is more practical instead of living life to the fullest and fulfilling your dreams! I didn't like the person I had become!
Now, after having Noah and being a stay at home Mom, I have time to remember and pursue some of these things that I had always wanted to, but at the same time finding the energy and motivation to do it is hard when Noah requires so much attention!
AHHH...I always feel like I end up rambling...why can't I just pick a topic and stay with it! My brain moves too fast and bounces around like crazy!
Anyway, bottom line...motherhood is so hard and trying to be a wife and friend too is even harder! Life is complicated and messy and a roller coaster but I wouldn't want it any other way! I am so completely blessed and happy but it is possible to recognize that and feel completely exhausted and overwhelmed at the same time!
Pastor Allan preached on love Wednesday night and how you can't depend on your feelings to get you through b/c if that were the case we would all be a complete mess...love is a commitment- a choice to act as Christ even when you don't FEEL like it! I may not FEEL like a good wife or mother or friend but never the less, I am a wife a mother and a friend and I do the best I can and I will continue to evaluate myself and I will keep trying for the rest of my life because the people that I love deserve that from me!
I will continue to write, and read and sing and play and dance and remember to live passionately rather than just have a list of "things to do" each day!
There is so much joy to be found when we just get a little perspective and that is what this blog does for me, so even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else it has been a lifesaver for me!
Now, when I look in the mirror, I may not be the fairest...with spit up all over me and no make up on and messy hair and unshaven legs, but none the less I feel like a princess...a beautiful mess! :)
I love my life!